If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.